Meret (meret) wrote in bsg2003fics,

New Post-Scattered Fic

Title: Red
Author: Meret
Author's Contact Info: meret
Rating: mild PG
Genre: Vignette, Angst
Summary: Lee deals with the events in Scattered.
Spoilers through Scattered. This won’t make any sense if you haven’t seen the episode.
Many thanks to Lesbiasparrow for her speedy and helpful beta. :)

Lee spent as much time as he could in the head now. It was the first thing he thought of when he woke up, and the last thing he thought of before he fell asleep.

He hadn’t had enough time that first chance, after they *finally* let him wash up. His hands had looked clean, but he could still feel it under his fingernails, feel it cracking on his skin, flaking off in his gloves when he gripped the viper’s stick. It had been all he could think about. Not protecting the ship and his CAP, not killing the Cylons starting with the one who shot his father, not even if his father was still alive. The only thing he could think of was getting it off.

After it was all over, Lee tried everything he could think of - every kind of soap he could find, alcohol, water so hot it scalded, scrubbing until he bled. The first time that had happened he’d thrown up. Now he thought that might be the only way to keep them clean.

If Starbuck had flown the raider, if he had flown the raptor, if he hadn’t been in handcuffs . . . .

He was careful. Even free now, he still kept his hands in his pockets or behind his back as much as possible, and never visited the heads when they were crowded. No one had said anything yet. A benefit of being socially ostracized. He didn‘t care that none of the crew spoke to him outside of the job, that he always ate alone.

He didn‘t care about anything but getting clean.
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